amnistie

So, I've been watching with some interest, the debate south of the border in regards to the health reform that is being proposed by President Obama. It has made me re-evaluate the state of our medical as it stands right now.  We have been in quite an uproar of our own here in Canada for the last few years as different governments and big business have slowly but surely taken our amazing universal health care (many thanks Tommy Douglas, author of aformentioned system) and flushed it down the toilet.  We do have atrocious wait lines etc and have steadily lost many of our best minds in medical as some decision or other was made in the late 80's that started what we refer to here as the brain drain.   They went to the states where they simply got paid better than they do here. It wasn't that we couldn't have paid them, the government at the time and the medical associations simply made the wrong decisions and couldnt' keep them.

However, in the last year, two things have happened in my family.  My daughter got pregnant and had a baby, and my Mom got diagnosed with kidney disease.

My daughter was able to:

Have her daughter helicoptered to another city where she was immediately operated on by one of the best neo-neurosurgeon's in North America.

Be sent by ambulance to the same city where she was checked into a women's hospital that is attached to BC Children's Hospital of an incredible calibre of care.

She had an obstetrician, a gp, a social worker (and I think I'm missing someone)
Her daughter has a team: A neo-natal neurosurgeon, a pediatrician, a physiotherapist, a development assessor, a team of community nurses and is part of a program that will track her progress for five years.  Nooo charge and no waiting.

My Mom has her GP, an internist for the autoimune disorder that may have brought about the kidney disease.  A kidney disease specialist,  another team of people at a new clinic where she has: a doctor, a dietician, a social worker, a nurse, and just last week we went to a workshop on kidney disease where they set her up with about 3 different programs for better health control.  Someone will be calling her to arrange screening for TB, Hepatitus,  etc, and they will simply plan out all of the different injections and pills (many of which are free of charge through these new programs.) and diet etc to help her exceed her outcomes.

Sadly nothing can be done about our teeth.   that is an expensive prospect, but that is why we all strive to be working for people who have good dental plans etc.

I am pretty darn grateful for all of the care that has been taken of my family.  And I pray that these reforms go through for the states.  There is no way that people should have to go through what they are going through on a regular basis because of this unremitting fear of the spectre of "Communism"  AHHHHHH SHRIEK!!!!!!   Seriously, I promise you, the two don't go hand in hand.

Then there is the fact that I live in a country that was considered to be, during the recent economic breakdown, the one that best had it's banking shit together.  That's a whole other post though.  

For now, just very grateful.
 

Words are very important to me. To me, the phrase "actions speak louder than words" doesn't really ring true. Words speak loud like words to me. My life is not a silent movie, it's a talkie.
I have learned lately, in a very deep way, that I cannot trust someone who does not express themselves in words.
Words were negated for me when I was growing up. They were not allowed. I think that is why I was such a book worm. I couldn't get enough of them because there just weren't enough of them in real life and so instead they just went around and around in my head because there was no release for them.
Now I'm not saying there isn't validity to actions being a true reflection of what is going on inside a person, and I'm not ignoring the fact that a person can say a load of horse shit while trying to "appear" to be honest, but for me, the fact is words are the only thing that will truly smooth the way, make me relax, help me trust and believe in someone. Until that word comes out that I am waiting to hear, I am only waiting for the other shoe to drop.
John 1
The Word Became Flesh
1In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2He was with God in the beginning.

I found out something I did not know today! I have always believed that I valued and appreciated discussion above debate. However, upon researching the difference today, I stumbled upon the reality for myself, which is, I do not really like either one.
The verbal dynamic that I have heretofore thought of as "discussion" is actually "dialogue". For the purposes of clarity and just to lay out the differences and convergences of all three, I have put an explanation I found most useful below. It  is from a site called "socratic seminars". It was just a point by point chart really but very clear and as it says it is not a discussion as to whether there is a good or a bad way to go about this, there are just differences. Where the difficulty lays (and the trap for humans in relationship with each other to be careful about) is in knowing whether they are all participating in the same thing. I mean it is no good to anyone if you think you are having a debate and someone in the same conversation thinks they are entering into dialoge or vice versa. Sometimes this runs along gender roles and sometimes it runs along philisophical outlooks. Anyway, have a look. Maybe you'll learn something too! I know I did. :)



Dialogue
Debate and/or Discussion

Dialogue is collaborative; cooperative; multiple sides work toward a shared understanding
Debate is competitive and/or oppositional; two (or more) opposing sides try to prove each other wrong; sometimes Discussion can move in this direction as well

In dialogue, one listens to understand, to make meaning, and to find common ground
In debate, (and sometimes discussion) one listens to find flaws, to spot differences, and to counter arguments

Dialogue enlarges and possibly changes a participant's point of view
Debate defends assumptions as truth; in discussions, participants may tend to "dig in"

Dialogue creates an open-mined attitude; an openness to being wrong and an openness to change
Debate creates an close-minded attitude, a determination to be right;

Discussion often tends to lead toward one "right" answer

In dialogue, one submits one's best thinking, expecting that other people's reflections will help improve it rather than threaten it
In debate, and often discussion, one submits one's best thinking and defends it against challenge to show that it is right

Dialogue calls for temporarily suspending of one's beliefs
Debate, and sometimes discussion, calls for investing wholeheartedly in one's beliefs

In dialogue, one searches for strengths in all positions
In debate, and sometimes discussion, one searches for weaknesses in the other positions

Dialogue respects all the other participants and seeks not to alienate or offend
Debate rebuts contrary positions and may belittle or deprecate other participants; a discussion gone awry may end up this way as well

Dialogue assumes that many people have pieces of answers and that cooperation can lead to a greater understanding
Debate assumes a single right answer that somebody already has

Dialogue remains open-ended
Debate demands a conclusion

Dialogue is mutual inquiry; collective knowledge
Discussion is individual opinions; individual knowledge

Dialogue practices a product
Debate and discussion produce products

Dialogue is divergent
Debate, and often discussion, is convergent


Note:
The differences between and among dialogue, discussion, and debate should not imply that dialogue is "good" and that discussion and debate are "bad." There are certainly times when discussion and debate are useful instructional strategies. The chart above is simply intended to articulate the differences.

Seriously, where was it all these weeks??

So, I have no idea if this is funny to someone who has never used a rotary phone or grown up without computers, but I found it spot on.

perfectlyhuman.multiply.com/video/item/19

okay has anyone else's lj menu options just changed. I suddenly can't access "log out" from anything unless I click on "user info". It's like it's just gone suddenly.  Am I just having a stroke or did this really happen???

The oscars.... a really big thing for me since I was a small child. Some people will poo poo it and say it's just a spectacle blah blah blah, but I am moved by theatre, I am moved by a story, I find humanity in all of it and I love humanity, I love my fellow man and I love the nakedness and the honesty of film. I stayed home from school a lot when I was a kid, absolutely hated school and didn't learn anything whilst there. When I was home, I watched movies. Tons and tons of movies. Also, documentaries because there were only two channels when i was little and there was just good quality programming on them, not endless reruns and crap. I had parents who had a very broad knowledge of actors & actresses and stars and they informed my views of cinema in general and the gifted people in the industry. I was a huge fan of stories in any form really, I read voraciously and there are still movies from when I was little and becoming a teenager that I know helped create my world view. Guess Who's coming to Dinner helped me to understand bigotry and prejudice and be aware of it. The thing is, in my family we didn't talk about black and white. We talked about people's characteristics and their values etc. So, it was somewhat shocking to me to find that there were huge prejudices out there. The movie "The trial of Billy Jack" was a moment I'll never forget. It opened my eyes to the vast gulf between settlers and indigenous peoples and the triumph of love over hate. My Mom walked in to find me sobbing harder than I ever had in my life to that point. It answered a cry of my heart.
Gone with the Wind, Funny Girl, What's up Doc, The Pink Panther movies. 2001 A Space Odyssey, Singing in the Rain, Apocalypse Now, Paper Moon, Amadeus, Bladerunner, The Fisher King, Tous Les Matins du Monde, Gladiator, Empire of the Sun, LA Confidential, An American in Paris, Oliver!, The English Patient, Shakespeare in Love, Elizabeth, The Piano, Titanic, A beautiful mind, The insider.
I love movies. I love being in a movie theater, I miss sitting in a drive-in theatre - Aristocrats, Peter Pan, Grease, etc.
I love what Penelope Cruz said about art being a universal language and I loved that they brought out five award winning peers for each nominee, I think it was one of the classiest things I've ever seen and the moment of legacy that that afforded the nominee gave much more credence to the fact that they deserved to be in that company of actors.
I loved that Kunio Kato said "Domo origato Mr. Roboto" Seriously, that was just good fun.
I loved that I got to feel wholehearted about Heath Ledgers win for Best supporting Actor. I am all for my favourites and for the gesture, but I also want the best person to actually win, and I was blown away by his performance in that movie and I hate that it was his last one and I approve completely even as a movie snob that he won.
I love that Kate Winslet finally won an oscar and I also think that she has grown into it with grace and talent, so it was probably exactly what she should have won one for.
I kind of wish that Richard Jenkins had won for best actor, but that's just because I would have loved to see the look on his face. It's fantastic that he even got the nom, but I would have loved the moment of having a seriously hard working character actor get a lead actor award.
And I loved that Slumdog won so much simply because I have a deep deep love of India and it's people and that culture touches my heart and makes me want a better life for all of them. Yes, that was very satisfying.
I think that this was one of the best produced Oscars I have seen in years and it looked to the naked eye as though it was actually enjoyable for all gathered there instead of just a painful debacle to sit through.
Bravo all of you, bravo.

I read allan's post and thought, that's what the problem is. I have  no words lately. None that I can write anyway. Either I have comments that I should be finishing...ie there are still some outstanding questions left from posts of Allan's that I have not answered. Not because i didn't want to or because they weren't worth answering ( in fact I was pretty excited about taking them on )but because it took getting my brain into some sort of organized format. I have things that are either too sad or dark to write about or things that are joyful but aren't really mine to write about. They are all forming this huge ball of unmanageable thoughts that I can't pull coherent structure out of. Tonight I have to give a speech and that is the last thing I want to do. If I can't formulate something fantastic to say here while I have time, how will I ever do it tonight. I have thought about what to say and each year when this event comes up I usually have a theme my brain has been working on, some key phrases or events that I can  hang a speech around after I take the temperature of the people gathered there, but this year, my brain has no words. I went for a walk last night and tried to pray, but I'm pretty sure that God was like, "um, if you would only stop stuttering and saying the same thing over and over again, I'd love to have a conversation with you. Maybe you could get back to me when you stop thinking the same way a hamster runs around in a ball?"

There's way too much for me to be looking forward to to be stuck in this place.

The bells are ringing.

It's less than an hour to midnight. The last hour of the last day of 2008. So, what is a year. It was made of moments and experiences, hopes and failures, emotions and drudgery, all that makes up a life, broken down into time. Moments become days, days become months, months become a year, years become decades, decades become centuries and centuries become millenia. It's all a little surreal really, and if it becomes more than surreal, it can become overwhelming, being part of relentless march of time. Is it relentless, or is it a gift? It has been a strange year. I completely changed my life. New job, new city, new home, new.... new sounds... the church bells are ringing down the block.

I don't enjoy the tone of these bells but I do find the very fact of them reassuring. They make me feel connected. They have been ringing for a very long time and before these ones, others rang out the call; not just here, but in cathedrals everywhere. Actually, as I listen, I realize that tonight they are ringing a different tune. It's a little melancholy, or maybe that's just me; it's actually a more melodic tune that they normally have, strangely juxtaposed against the drunkenness going on just outside my door and the steady thump of the bass from the house party beside me. It makes me want to be outside. Not with the revelers, but just outside, where I can feel the air and taste the rain. However, when I let all of the noise in my own head stop, I find that I am content to be half inside and half out.

The Christmas tree is on, and the only other light is the candle burning at the table.

I have my glass of wine, my bible and I'm sitting beside the open window where I can actually feel the rain and taste the air, which on a night like this is probably better than the other way around. I've turned off the t.v. finally, just so I could spend the last hour of the year with God, but found I needed to say something to myself first. I'm pretty sure it's just to remind myself that there is substance and there is life. There, they've started again and will probably go on intermittently till midnight. I'm glad.

So today, I'm providing text from a blog that someone sent me which I think explains things well--very well. Again, these are not my words--I'll provide a link to the actual writer at the end, but I think it gives a very good rundown of how things work.

~~~~~~

From reading the comments yesterday and today, it's pretty obvious that there is confusion over what's happening in Canada's government. This is a primer for non-Canadians (and some Canadians) about this mess. If you didn't care about this yesterday and you still don't care about it today, know that I am knitting a very beautiful brown sock and a great brown hat and this blog will maybe be interesting to you again tomorrow. (Or maybe not, since I don't know if I can count on a brown sock and a brown hat to put the zip into it.)

OK.
The first thing you need to know is that Canada has a parliamentary democracy, and that we are a Constitutional Monarchy. This is a very, very different system than the US uses, and it allows for a lot of interesting political variation. The most significant to the majority of my readers will likely be that our head of Government (The Prime Minister) is not the same person as the head of state (The Governor General). The Governor General is the Queen's representative in Canada, and plays an important role. (She's also the Commander-in-Cheif of the Canadian Forces.) In addition, we vote for parties not individuals. (Edited to add: There's been some debate about this in the comments, and as usual, the commentors are right and I was unclear. When I say this, I mean that we do NOT vote for a Prime Minister in an election. We vote for the person at our local level, they represent a party, and then the party's leader becomes Prime Minister. Clearer?) We vote at the local level and elect a Member of Parliament, and the party that gets the most MPs wins, and the leader of that party becomes Prime Minister. (Yup, that means that if the party choses a new leader while they are in power, we get a new Prime Minister without an election. It happens.) Because we have several valid, effective parties, the vote is split into several pieces, usually five. The Conservatives (Canada's "right" although not as far right as Republicans.) The Liberals (Canada's centre/but left leaning party) The New Democratic Party or NDP (The left) The Bloc (a Quebec Party that only operates in Quebec. They're allegedly "separatists" but it's been a while since that had a lot of momentum. They're left of centre.) And the Green Party (left of centre as well.)

Excellent. So an election is called (more about that later) and we all go vote (or most of us go vote. Shame on the rest of you, and I hope you aren't bothering to bitch right now. You gave up that right when you couldn't be arsed to go to the poll.) Now, one party will get more MPs elected than the others. That party will form the government and the Governor General will appoint it's leader our Prime Minister. The runner up forms "Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition." and everyone else forms the opposition and everyone goes to the house of Parliament and all the MPs sit in the house and vote on stuff, and for a motion to pass the majority of the MPs need to agree it's a good idea.

If the winning party has enough MPs that they can pass stuff without help from any opposition MPs, then they have "a majority government". These governments tend to be very stable. If the winning party has enough MPs elected that they need the co-operation of an opposing party to get things passed... they are said to have a minority government, and those tend to be unstable, and the Prime Minister of a minority government needs to operate in a more co-operatie spirit, or he/she won't be able to get much done. In either case, the Prime Minister remains Prime Minister until one of 5 things happen.

- Five years are up.
- Their party decides they shouldn't be leader anymore.
- They die.
-They go to the Governor General and ask her to call an election.
-They lose the confidence of the house.

We are largely concerned with the last thing on that list. This is an important part.

If the government (majority or minority, though you can see how it's more likely to happen with a minority) tries to pass something that is a sort of a motion that has "a confidence motion" attached to it, and they lose that motion, then they are said to have "lost the confidence of the house", which means "the majority of MPs, and therefore Canadians, think that you're not doing a good job, and we have no faith that you'll improve. We want someone else." At this point, the Prime Minister goes to the Governor General, tells her that he's lost the confidence of the house and asks her (usually) to prorogue (suspend) parliament and call an election, which must happen within 8 weeks. Some important things, like how the government spends money, or how they use the Canadian Forces, are automatically "confidence motions", but (and this is so important to the rest of this) a confidence motion can be attached to any other motion.

Our current Prime Minister is Stephen Harper. He's a conservative, and he's been Prime Minister since his party won a minority government in February of 2006. The Honourable Prime Minister has taken an unusual approach to running said minority. Instead of operating in a co-operative spirit, the Prime Minister has been rather aggressive, and instead of moderating his motions to the point where the opposition might vote for them anyway, he has instead taken to attaching a confidence motion to just about everything. This means that every time the house votes, they can either vote with him, or force an election. All last year, this strategy worked beautifully. The opposing parties (particularly the Liberals, who were having leadership troubles) didn't want an election. Forcing the opposition to choose between forcing an election and agreeing with him rammed through a lot of legislation, but bred a lot of contempt. (Depending on whether you are a conservative or not, this strategy has alternately been called "being an aggressive parliamentarian who makes the most of the system" or "being a big fat bully".)

On September 7, 2008 the Prime Minister asked the Governor General to call a federal election, saying that there was no spirit of co-operation in the house (which is true, although debate rages about who's fault that is.) He won a second minority in October (vs his hoped for majority) but spoke of a renewed sprit of co-operation and productivity. Last week, immediately following the resumption of parliament, he reverted to his same strategy, and put forth an "economic strategy" which included, among other things, the removal of federal election subsidies to all parties. This would have effectively hobbled the oppositions ability to campaign, and guaranteed that they would be unable to oppose him in parliament, since they wouldn't have the money to launch campaigns.
There's a lot of debate over whether or not this was ethical. The Prime Minister made this a confidence motion, essentially saying (to put it mildly) to the opposition "either do it my way, or we'll have another election, which you will lose, will piss Canadians off, and will cost the country another $300 million dollars." ($300 million is the cost to the government of an election.)

The opposition cried foul. Not just because they were unhappy with the funding cuts, but because they claimed that the Government was not responding properly to the economic crisis by failing to provide (among other things) an economic stimulus package, and because they realized that Mr. Harper clearly intended to continue to govern by hanging the threat of an election over their heads every time he wanted a motion to pass. They said they had had enough and would vote against his motion, therefore causing him to lose the confidence of the house.

Mr. Harper responded to this by removing the funding cut, but the opposition did not back down, saying that their other problem had been the lack of response to the economic crisis, and that it still was. At this time, it is supposed that Harper, knowing that the Liberals (who lost badly in the last election and have leadership problems) were not only unwilling, but likely unable to manage an election, rolled the dice, believing that he had the other parties on the ropes, and stuck to his guns.

Meanwhile, the other parties formed a coalition... a combination party consisting of the Liberal party and the NDP (supported by unofficial members - the Bloc and the Green Party). Together, this constitutes every MP in the house who is not a conservative, and represents two thirds of Canadians. This coalition went to the Prime Minister and told him that he had "lost the confidence of the house" and that they were willing and ready to form an alternative government.

Re-enter the Governor General. The role of the Governor General is to appoint a Prime Minister, dismiss a Prime Minister, to prorogue (suspend) parliament, to call the house to the hill, or to dissolve parliament. She has the constitutional right to override the Prime Minister (although traditionally, she doesn't) and within the confines of the Constitution, she acts in the best interests of Canada as she sees them. For example, if a Prime Minister wanted to prorogue parliament, she could say "No. I don't think that's right." or if a Prime Minister asked her to call an election, technically she could refuse, or (and this is the important bit) she can ask a party from the opposition if they will form another government, should she believe this is a better choice.

What's relevant here, is that The Prime Minister essentially has two choices at this point. One way or another, he cannot continue to be Prime Minister, at least not without another election. He does not have the confidence of the house, and the rules of parliamentary democracy say that he's cooked without it. His choices are to either go to the Governor General - Madame Jean, and tell her he quits and ask her for the next step, or he can wait until there's a vote on something - anything, at which point the opposition will attach a vote of confidence to it, and his government will fall, thus automatically turning the next step over to the Governor General.

When a party does not have the confidence of the house, the Governor General has two choices. She can call an election and we'll all vote again... or she can, under the constitution, ask the opposition if they are ready, willing and able to form government. Obviously, if the opposition held few seats or was ineffectual, she wouldn't bother, since Canada would soon land in the same boat, when the new house couldn't agree on squat. It is not her job to do the bidding of the Prime Minister, it is her mandate to protect Parliamentary Democracy. Triggering another election mere months after the last one isn't good for democracy (because nothing can get done) and selecting a powerless alternative government also sucks (because nothing can get done.)

As the opposition (all of it. Every MP) has agreed to work together if they form the alternative, she can be reasonably sure that they will form an effective government, one that (at least theoretically) represents more Canadians than the current Conservative government, it is possible (we don't know if we can go so far as to say "likely" that this is what she will do.) The new coalition party will rule, and the Conservatives would become the opposition. Deep breath.

Obviously, the Prime Minister thinks that this is a pretty bad idea, and he is wigging out, mostly because of three things.

1. He doesn't want to lose his job. (Totally understandable.)

2. He says it is undemocratic. Many conservatives have called this a "coup" or "overthrowing the government" and have implied or claimed outright that it is illegal.

3. He claims that it is especially wrong because it includes the Bloc, a Quebec only party, claiming that it is a "betrayal of the best interests of our country."

There are several things wrong with that.

1. Well, there's nothing wrong with that. I don't want to lose my job either. Fair enough. You can't pick on the guy for that.

2. It isn't undemocratic. It is perfectly legal, has precedent in this country, has worked well in other countries with a Parliamentary Democracy and is a proper application of the principles and laws of that system. In fact, the current Prime Minister himself suggested the exact same thing to the Governor General in 2004, when he was the opposition. (There's a copy of his letter here.) He obviously didn't feel that it was an "undemocratic seizure of power" then, or a "betrayal" then... and it isn't now. He just doesn't like it and ... well. See #1.

3. The Bloc is NOT part of the coalition. They support it, they like it, but they are not a signatory. They will have power under the coalition, but, as many Canadians like to forget when we talk about the Bloc, they do represent an entire, enormous province of Canadians who's participation in parliament is appropriate and daily. Also, if you read that letter above, where Mr. Harper himself suggests forming an alternative government, you will note that he said himself that he would form it with The Bloc. If he was willing to align the Conservative party with The Bloc, then the Liberals aligning themselves with The Bloc can hardly be the mark of Satan upon them. He's just upset. See #1.

Where we are now, is that The Governor General is flying home (she was on a State visit to Europe) to deal with all this, and nobody knows what she will do. She must act within the confines of the constitution, and in the best interests of Canada as she sees them. Apparently, Mr. Harper, looking to avoid the official vote of confidence on Monday, is going to ask her to prorogue (suspend without dissolving) parliament until January, so that he can have more time to fix this up, or come up with an economic strategy that won't get voted down. This suggestion enrages a lot of Canadians, who are trying to figure out how the Prime Minister can believe that the best thing to do in the middle of an economic crisis is to not only fail to come out with a plan for it, but to then compound the trouble by having no parliament in session during said crisis. On the other hand, this suggestion thrills other Canadians who don't want to see this Government defeated. The Prime Minister will go to Madame Jean, the Governor General, and ask her to do.... well. We think it will be the prorogue thing, but he's a hard man to predict, and Madame Jean will pull the plug on parliament or not, call an election or not, appoint an alternative government or not. Usually a Governor General grant the wishes of the Prime Minister, but the question she faces, is "Is that reasonable if a Prime Ministers motivation is to avoid a legal vote?"

It all rests in the hands of one woman. Governor General Michaëlle Jean.

Dudes. I love this country.

~~~~

Posted by the Yarn Harlot at the following link:

http://www.yarnharlot.ca/blog/archives/2008/12/03/what_is_happening_in_canada.html

Things that are not working for me right now:

Saving money. Urghhh. I would love to be better at this. I think I am more clearly seeing the patterns and the emotional reasons behind it, but it's still not getting me very far.

Excercising. I would dearly love to put more of an effort into this as I want to be one hot granny. In truth I just want to be as fit with this body I was given as it is possible to be. I'm not into surgery or anything, and I don't think I am unfairly beating myself up it's just that I don't think I'll feel satisfied until I know that I have done my utmost to be at the place physically that I am capable of.

Lectio Devina. Sucking badly at bible study and regular prayer. Yup. Just not good at it at all right now. Life as I know it is simply not as full as it could be with it and the filter through which I see things is not as clear as it would be if I added this component. I am however reading "The Shack" which I would recommend to anyone who has asked the big questions of God or has been hurt by "Life" and all it can do to make you give up your belief system, or at the very least just be pissed off by the seeming randomness of it all.

What's going on out there for all of you people?

So....things that are working for me right now:

Feeling calmer at my job. It may not be the perfect job and I may not stay in it, but I am more at peace in it currently than I have been in quite awhile. I know that is more from me just letting stuff go than it is any change in the actual job but it makes it easier.

Going home for lunch most every day. I love that I am more mobile and outside more than I was living in Nanaimo. I save money by going home and I do housework (which I kind of like doing cause it seems like I'm using time that I am getting paid for and then when I come home after work it's already done) or I read and I think it recharges me, leading back a little to my first point perhaps.

Letting go of some of my fears. I still have lots and many years ago I would have said that I already let go of all of them. I'm not sure when they crept back in but they did and they have been having a party at my expense. I am sick of them and it's high time they left and went it alone. Day by Day I think I am releasing more and more of them.

Staying in touch with certain people. I have to say that the one thing that is a benefit without faking it or just trying to rationalize it is that through facebook and this blogspot and livejournal, I am more in touch with people than I normally would be. I think that this is the modern day letter writing that used to help us keep up on the tidbits of each others lives and we just don't write letters, but we blog and we change our status etc. and I don't think we need to look down on it so much, we just need to be thoughtful about it that's all.

Okay, I wrote this in August and I was just blathering because I felt full up with stuff and always meant to go back and fix it but I will publish as is so that I can move on to another blog. Also, this stuff is still true and even though the seasons are changing, it was how I was feeling at the time.


I love my life.

I love that after a really long week I can go for a walk after work instead of sitting on the couch and that my walk takes me on the waterfront and the inner harbour and that I can sit on a bench and eat warm bread from my daughter's restaurant and watch ships go past, some on their way to our neighbours in the south like the coho which is so old and sounds it's horn like the ferry's used to do where I lived before and i love that there is so much life in the harbour and downtown. I love my God and I love that He smiled on me this day and i love that the sky is beautiful and that I can see the rays of the sunshine in the clouds like a message of hope and I love that I can tell the tourists from the cruise ship what a heron is and I love that there are bands playing and lanterns lining the walkway and weekends like this where there is so much activity and energy & beauty. I love that on my way home I go past the massive cathedral that takes up the sky and I love that I have to tilt my head back as far as it will go to look at the top of it and I love the way the sky is all dusky and purple and warm and summery and I love that I live and work downtown and still feel like I'm in an old neighbourhood and I love that my daughter works around the corner from me and that she loves her work and I love that just as the day is setting the moon comes out full and still orange and yellow from seeing the sun on it's way down and I love the homeless in this city and I love that I can walk past the park beside the church and know that they would talk to me if I tried and I don't love that I am not in relationship with these people even though God tells me that they would feel valued if I asked them how they got here and why they are living the life that they are and I hope that one day I will have the time and the courage and the extra love to help me reach out and start the conversation with them that I feel prompted to at times so that I can share what I have with those who truly need it.

 Two things you love
1. Spending time at the beach
2. Long car rides with my daughter

Two things you hate
1. Miscommunication
2. Smelly people on buses

Two best friends
1. Wendy
2. Meghan

Two best memories
1. The look on my 4 year old daughter's face after she licked mine with a blue popsicle tongue
2. Cursillo

Two things you would change
1. Child abuse
2. The space program

Two favorite music artists
1. Louis Armstrong
2.Chicago

Two good songs
1. In the air tonight
2. Leaving ninety-nine

Two good movies
1. Crank
2. Romper Stomper

Two good actor/actresses
1. Russell Crowe
2. Helen Mirren

Two things you watch on TV
1. CSI Miami
2. Grey's anatomy

Two good books
1. "Winter's Tale"
2. "Shadow of the Moon"

Two things in your room
1. a 3' X 5' picture of the ocean
2. God

Two things you wish you could do
1. play the piano
2. go kyaking every day

Two places you'd like to go
1. Paris
2. Prince Edward Island

Two good things about summer
1. no socks
2. looooong days

Two things people should know about you
1. I'm a work in progress
2. When I'm silent, I'm more often praying than stewing

Two things you are constantly told
1. "turn off the light"
2. "you are not old enough to have a 21 year old"

Two things you look forward to
1. An amazing job
2. Grandchildren

Two current thoughts
1. I have no idea how to finish this letter
2. "All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well"

So. I am moving. 
It has happened so suddenly and so unexpectedly. 
Like perfoming without a net, it is just time to do it. 
I will be leaving my Mom at a time when she is maybe feeling like she would like me to stay and that is hard, and I feel caught between responsibilities and opportunities.
And the journey is not laid out neatly. No long term answers about the duration about the location about the people who will be in my life; who I will be keeping company with.
I am o.k. with the concept of the camp stopping when the pillar of fire stops and moving when the column of smoke starts and so, in many ways this is the journey I have asked of God all my life. 
Simply to be led. 
So lead Lord. 
Amen.

1)A Fish Called Wanda
2)The Fisher King (one of my top five all time favs)
3)Gladiator
4)Yay Grosse Point Blank
5)Guess Who's Coming for Dinner
6)Blade Runner
7)Muppets from Space!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8)Mystery Alaska
9)Men with Brooms
10)Eulogy (super funny indie film)
11)Hunt for Red October
12)Pride & Prejudice (so long as everyone understand Meghan and I mean the A&E version not that crap ass shit done by Keira Knightly
13)LA Confidential (nother one in the top five)
14) Men in Black
15)Apocolypse Now

All Answers were answered correctly by users on facebook, which may prove something about Ryans point on the age divide on lj, but stil some of it is a border issue as well, as two Canadians over 30 did know #9 as well as Jaime, so yah, you should all  watch it, it will let you in on some of the canadian national psyche *shudder* scary stuff, you may not be ready for it.

 1. Pick 15 of your favourite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Fill in the film title once it's guessed.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search functions.
 

1.It's K-K-K-Ken c-c-c-coming to k-k-k-kill me. 
2.  It's important to think. It's what separates us from lentils. 
3. Those giraffes you sold me, they won't mate. They just walk around, eating, and not mating. You sold me... queer giraffes. I want my money back.
4.+ "You're a fucking *psycho*.
    -"Don't rush to judgment on something like that until all the facts are in. 
5.There'll be 100 million people right here in this country who will be shocked and offended and appalled and the two of you will just have to ride that out, maybe every day for the rest of your lives. You could try to ignore those people, or you could feel sorry for them and for their prejudice and their bigotry and their blind hatred and stupid fears, but where necessary you'll just have to cling tight to each other and say "screw all those people"! Anybody could make a case, a hell of a good case, against your getting married. The arguments are so obvious that nobody has to make them. But you're two wonderful people who happened to fall in love and happened to have a pigmentation problem, and I think that now, no matter what kind of a case some bastard could make against your getting married, there would be only one thing worse, and that would be if - knowing what you two are and knowing what you two have and knowing what you two feel- you didn't get married. Well, Tillie, when the hell are we gonna get some dinner?
6.I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die. 
This one is for J'aime!
7.You tell him, and I will smack you. I will smack you like a bad, bad donkey, okay! 
This is my favourite quote from a movie ever. makes me laugh my head off every time. Of course you have to see it to get how funny it actually is, otherwise it just sounds...well, bad.
8. No, I'm not okay! Do I look okay? The fucker shot me! What the fuck-ass fuck of a bum-fuck shithole town is this? 
I defy any of you yankee folk to know #9
9.How do you forget about 400 pounds of defecating menace?
10. +We pumped your mother's stomach. 
       - Yeah, it was an accident.
       +: How did she accidentally chug half a bottle of sleeping pills. 
         - She was cleaning them up.
          +: With her mouth?
11.Give me a ping, Vasili. One ping only, please. 
12. Shelves in the closet; happy thought indeed.
13.Wendell, I'd like full and docile co-operation on every topic.
14. It was like he was wearing a suit...an edgar suit. 
15.I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight... razor... and surviving. 

O.k. I think it was more fun for me looking up old movies and seeing all the quotes for them. It was really hard to pick the ones I liked best.